The Great Goldfish Heist and the Estate Buyers’ Dilemma

It started as a simple auction. A few gold bars here, a rare watch there. Just another evening for Delray Beach’s elite estate buyers. But no one expected Lot #47—a seemingly ordinary fishbowl containing a single goldfish—to become the most contested item of the night.

“I bid $500,” a local gold buyer said half-heartedly.

“$1,000,” murmured a rival.

Within minutes, the bids skyrocketed. $5,000. $20,000. Soon, the price had climbed to an absurd $2.3 million. And the room was dead silent as the final two bidders squared off.

On one side stood Richard Pennington III, a premium estate buyer Delray known for collecting only the rarest artifacts—Napoleon’s toothbrush, a chair rumored to belong to Shakespeare, and a haunted teaspoon. On the other side, Countess Evangeline Blackwood, infamous for her ability to acquire anything with a mere glance.

“Three million,” Blackwood said, sipping her champagne.

“Four million,” Pennington countered, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

Blackwood smirked. “Five million.”

Pennington hesitated, then—“Ten million.”

A gasp rippled through the audience.

With an amused chuckle, Blackwood raised an eyebrow. “All that for a goldfish?”

Pennington turned pale, realizing he had no idea why he’d bid so high. But something about the fish—it called to him. As if it knew something.

The auctioneer slammed the gavel. “Sold!”

But before Pennington could claim his prize, chaos erupted. The fishbowl shattered, and the goldfish—tiny, glowing, and now suspiciously levitating—hovered in the air.

“Fools!” it boomed in a voice reminiscent of a thousand ancient kings. “You thought I was a mere pet? I am Aurelius, last of the Celestial Goldfish! And now that I am free, I shall reclaim my kingdom!”

With a flash of light, the fish shot through the ceiling, leaving behind only a stunned silence and a slight smell of sea salt.

After a long pause, Blackwood turned to Pennington. “Congratulations. You just spent ten million dollars on absolutely nothing.”

Pennington took a deep breath and nodded. “Worth it.”

And thus, Delray Beach’s gold buyers, diamond buyers, and estate buyers learned a valuable lesson that night: never underestimate a goldfish.